The winter season is my most favorite time of the year. The house is cozy and our fuzziest blankets are spread about. I could just spend all winter curled up under one of those blankets with a hot cup of coffee in hand. For someone like myself the holidays can exasperate my already over anxious mind. When the stress starts rising my knee jerk reaction is RETREAT! RETREAT! RETREAT!
Turns out my default setting doesn’t work when there are multiple holiday parties to be at, presents to wrap, food to make and children to occupy! I have collected a few different tips over the years that help me 𝓮𝓷𝓳𝓸𝔂 the holidays more and retreat less! I spend all day every day with a two year old and ten month old. I am their personal jungle gym. Now don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my children and being home with them but sometimes mama needs space. This becomes especially true during the holidays! It is so easy to overbook, over commit and put self care on the back burner. I have found it so important to schedule ‘me time’ even on the busiest of days! I read an article in Forbes, by Amy Morin and she said, “…alone time has been linked to increased happiness, better life satisfaction, and improved stress management. People who enjoy alone time experience less depression.” Taking time to decompress, breathe and run through the daily holiday events is great for your mental health. After being climbed on all day or running from one party to the next taking those few minutes to breathe and remember it is okay to put yourself first is essential. It is okay to pass the torch on to a spouse or friend for a little bit, because you and your self care matter! That brings us to my next piece of advice, ask for help! I have touched on this in a previous blog, but it is so important I am mentioning it again. Does anyone else hate asking for help as much as I do? Just the thought sends my mind into a tailspin. I get sick to my stomach, feel awful for asking them and am convinced they will hate me or never look at me the same because I couldn’t do it all myself. None of that is rational; which is what I have to remind myself over and over again! Asking for help during the holidays is going to be one of the best decisions you ever made! Whether it is asking a friend if they can change your kiddo into pajamas or asking your mom to mail out your family Christmas gifts because lord knows you will forget (thanks mom), whatever it is, ask! People want to help! I am not sure when it became nearly impossible for myself to ask for help, but I am slowly getting more comfortable with accepting I simply cannot do it all! I promise you, no one will be mad or judge you, ask for help! Lastly, don’t over do it. Yes, everyone wants to see you and your children this time of year but don’t make that happen at the expense of your mental health. Maybe don’t stay for the 3rd round of dessert (speaking to myself on that one), maybe instead of getting home at 11:00pm because you felt bad “leaving early” you leave when you and your family are ready and get home only an hour past everyone’s bedtime. Many times I have tried to do it all! Eat dinner number one at house A, dinner number two at apartment B, desserts and appetizers at house C, games and drinks at bar D and been completely burnt out before the night was even over! It is just not something I can do anymore. The holidays are meant to be enjoyed by everyone and if that means we leave a party a little early then so be it! At the end of the day your mental health takes priority. Avoid the holiday burnout by carving out time for yourself, asking for help and not over doing it! ❄ Happy Holidays ❄
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Let me start by saying this list may seem obvious to some of my overachieving readers, but for the mom struggling to get everyone out the door in the morning while keeping her sanity intact these tips are just what she needs! Here are my top ten tips for keeping your cool and winning your morning!
1. Never go to bed with a dirty dish in the sink! We have all heard the advice “never go to bed mad at your spouse” and let me tell you, if more spouses made sure NO dirty dishes were left in the sink at night, it would be much easier to not go to bed mad at them! All kidding aside this was something my parents drilled into me as a kid and I didn’t think much of it until we added a third child to the mix. As a family of five dishes pile up QUICK, like quicker than quick! Waking up to a stack of dirty dishes in the sink is not a good way to start the day. So, tip 1. Take the extra five minutes before bed to wash the dishes or load and run the dishwasher, you’ll thank me for this one! 2. Lay out the children’s clothes the night before (for the week)! This has been one of my biggest sanity savers to date! How many times have you asked your child to get changed for school and they come downstairs wearing something three sizes too small or a tank top while it’s snowing out! (Please tell me that’s not just my five year old)! Pick a day of the week (or two) and get all of your child’s laundry done. Lay out the whole outfit, top, bottom, socks, underwear and then do this four more times! Put together five outfits on Sunday, make a pile in your room and when it is time to get changed have your kiddo simply grab one of the five piles and get dressed. This will save so much time and stress. Eliminating the fifty options your child faces when picking out their own outfits will make this process so much simpler and much less overwhelming! 3. Change your alarm!
4. Do what works for you and your family!
9. Music!
10. Avoid distractions!
Thoughts of self-harm, suicidal ideations and an all consuming darkness. Those were the qualifications I thought one had to meet in order to be considered depressed. In my late teens, early twenties I realized something inside me had shifted. I was not my happy, social self, but I could not pinpoint what was wrong. I did not exhibit the symptoms above, so I must not have been depressed, or so I thought.
To understand my depression let us rewind. I played sports seven days a week for the better part of my life. My body became conditioned to an extremely high level of endorphins being released daily. I was never not moving or playing something. When I was In college I stopped sports and the daily endorphins I was accustomed to were abruptly gone. The feel good receptors in my body were no longer being activated. I was not sitting in a suicidal state though. I just felt okay. I was okay not getting out of bed for a week. I was okay not showering for an embarrassing amount of time. I was okay having zero contact with my best friends and family. I just wanted to be by myself and indulge in junk food and binge watch shows. How had I become so lazy? That was all I kept asking myself. My body (unbeknownst to me) was craving endorphins, so I ate. And ate. And ate. I didn’t understand why but I found such comfort in food. Junk food, anytime and all the time! Pizza, sweets, chips, chocolate, you name a junk food and I overindulged! Food gave my mind the feel good rush it used to get from sports, except it was very short lived and the side effects were more harmful than beneficial. The weight began packing on and soon I could not stand what I saw in the mirror. That is when the problem solvers surfaced. Being told to “work out for an hour a day” or “just eat a little better” and “nothing past 8pm” was not helpful. It made me feel worse and guilty when I did eat past 8pm or I didn’t go to the gym. My mind could not force myself to put any of those tips in motion. That is one thing I want to make crystal clear about depression. To an outsider the solutions may look so simple, but when you are in the thick of it they are impossible. I remember one evening I found myself in tears telling my parents that my friend wanted me to go over. I wanted to go to my friend’s but I couldn’t. I didn’t understand why I was having such a difficult time, but I knew it was not normal. I knew it was not normal to feel completely paralyzed by your mind. It was not normal to feel like no matter what you wanted to do, you just couldn’t do it. That was really the only way I could explain it. Yes, I want to go over, but I can’t. I don’t know why but I simply can’t. I decided then I needed help. I went to a therapist and after one session she said it sounded like I was suffering from generalized anxiety disorder and depression. WHAT??? Depression? I learned that day depression can present itself in many different forms. Did you know there are more than ten types of depression? I did not! Maybe I was ignorant, but I had no clue I could be depressed without experiencing suicidal thoughts. I was not magically cured once I received a diagnosis, but the pieces all started fitting together. It made sense. If I knew years ago I had depression and anxiety I could have gotten help sooner and finished college in a traditional four year program. I could have avoided dropping out of three different schools due to an extreme anxiety preventing me from going to class. I could not have cured my mental health issues but I could have began living with them earlier. As cliche as it sounds, recognizing that you are depressed, anxious, whatever it may be, is the hardest part! Once you recognize it you will be amazed at the amount of help and resources available to you. My depression looks like staying in bed for as long as possible until forced to do something. My depression looks like I have not showered in a week and my hair is beginning to form dread locks. My depression looks like binge eating unhealthy foods seeking a temporary rush of happiness. My anxiety is my mind racing that if we go to the big sports event my children will be kidnapped. My anxiety is me feeling so uncomfortable in my own skin that I avoid seeing friends. My anxiety is me ignoring texts and phone calls because I feel like the world is mad at me. My anxiety is me not being able to drive at night or in certain weather conditions because I am certain I will crash. My depression and anxiety are very much my own and yours may look completely different. They can be crippling but they can also be manageable. Now that I understand my diagnosis more I can recognize when a depressed day or anxious moment is coming on. I have a toolkit I can reach into for a guided meditation, calming coloring book, or face mask if self care is needed. Knowing the issue does not solve it, but it leaves you better equipped to navigate through it. Depression and anxiety are very real and come in many different forms. Do not take it lightly if you feel you might be dealing with one or the other. People care, support is out there, you have resources. If you feel like you have no one to turn to, message me. Shoot me an email. I am not a doctor but I am a listening ear and I would love to help you if at all possible. How does your depression or anxiety manifest itself? Complete the contact form and let me know what you thought of this blog, what could have been better or what you’d like to read in the future. As always, any and all feedback is welcome and never forget you are beautiful, capable and worthy. * reaching out to talk should be done in conjunction with seeking professional help and the correct diagnosis and treatment* Picture this, it has been raining for hours, the air is just above freezing and you’re packing what feels like the entire contents of your house into a Honda CRV. You then pack three children elbow to elbow in the back seat. Set the gps for Tennessee and let the seventeen hour road trip begin!
I will be completely honest, when I decided to write about our trip I pictured stories upon stories of how crazy and unpredictable the kids were. I imagined funny ways to describe their antics and even had a notebook to write everything down as it happened so I wouldn’t forget anything! Well, the notes were boring, the wildness never ensued and the kids were so good in the car, go figure! The first few hours were spent alternating between bottles, diapers and wrenching my arm back to hold Luke’s hand; he was less than pleased to be in the car, but aside from that there were no major hiccups with the children. Ben slept the majority of the ride and Lucas and Raegan only fussed when they needed a diaper or were hungry. It was pretty much smooth sailing from the kids. What I did not realize before deciding to take this trip was how bad of a passenger I have become. My anxiety was high as ever and when I say anxiety I do not use the term lightly. I was not a little nervous, I was not just cautious of the speed limit. I was borderline panic attack anxious. My chest was heavy, my mind was racing and I had an overwhelming fear of getting in a car accident. It was all consuming. Steve drove for eleven straight hours because I couldn't even watch him drive in the dark let alone get behind the wheel myself. I could not drive on certain highways, I could not drive in certain types of weather conditions. My anxiety was limiting my ability to help at all. Thankfully I have a partner who is a road trip champion and took care of the bulk of the driving, but this all got me thinking. When did driving become such a scary proposition for me. When did my ability to accomplish tasks become controlled by where my anxiety took my mind. I really wasn’t aware of how bad I had become, but at more turns than one I was jumping and grabbing the door handles. Every slow down, bend in the road, traffic jam was another chance for me to play out all the horrific scenarios I could think of. I could have let my anxiety consume me the entire trip, but about half way through I decided it was time to hop on my phone and look up some techniques to help calm my mind. Here are the few I found the most helpful:
Oh, what panic there is to have on this fun family filled holiday-ayyy! I see friends decorating Christmas trees and hanging stockings and I can’t help but look around my house and think of the Halloween decorations I never put up. I think of the Thanksgiving we will be grazing right over and the Christmas decor we will be pulling out last minute for holiday pictures; pretending to have it all together. The holidays can be so much fun, but for someone with depression and generalized anxiety disorder they also bring a debilitating batch of worries! I have made a list of my biggest holiday anxieties and tips for overcoming them! I hope these help and if not lets all link arms, drink and get through the holidays together! 1. November is coming to a close and you either don't have enough money for presents for family or you failed to execute that Christmas list you swore you’d have done early this year [insert heaviest eye roll ever]. As you get older it seems the list of who you need to get presents for lengthens! Teachers, coworkers, mailmen, bus ladies, it is never ending! I am all too familiar with the sickening feeling that occurs when you cross paths with someone and realize you didn’t bring them anything. It triggers the mental battle, yet again. “Well, that friendship is over. They must think they aren’t important to me. I can never talk to them again. I am the worst. How could I not get them anything." and the list goes on! This tip is not fancy but has saved my butt a few times!
2. Alright, you got to the party with your handmade whatevers and now it's present time and all eyes are on you. Your heart is pounding, hands sweating, mind racing, “does my hair look okay?” “Can they tell I’m sweating?” “Is someone watching the kids?” Something about having a room full of people waiting to see your reaction to a gift can be overwhelming. This is personally one of my biggest roadblocks to get through. Before my turn has even come I have thought of at least 75 facial expressions to show I appreciate the present. I also have about 50 expressions on the back burner in case it is a gift I wasn’t expecting, but still want to appear I love it and have always wanted it. It is beyond exhausting trying to plan out an appropriate response for every single scenario that may play out, but that’s just how it goes with anxiety.
3. Third and final holiday anxiety to make the list is my children getting off their schedules, I am very adamant on naps and being home for normal bedtimes. The later it gets the crankier they get, the louder they get and the higher my anxiety rises. The kids get miserable and I feel like a bad mom because I got them off the routine we know works. The holidays force you to be adaptable and do what works for the majority of the people involved. I have to be VERY intentional about this last tip or I will drive myself crazy trying to remain in control.
Remember to have grace with yourself. You are normal for worrying, you are normal for feeling overwhelmed. You are entitled to all of these feelings. Allow yourself the space to work through them. Put these tips in your back pocket and pull them out when you are feeling all the things. When your mind will not stop playing out "what if" scenarios go play with at the kid's table! When you are worried you are forgetting a gift for someone, make some cute craft ornaments or cookies to have on standby! Give yourself time to breath deep and accept the routines will all go back to normal after the holidays. Don't rob yourself of the moments happening right in front of you because your anxiety is trying to pull you down the path of what might be next and what potential issues you need to be prepared for. Never forget, you are worthy, capable and beautiful! You were given this mountain because you have the strength to climb it! |
AuthorNavigating motherhood and mental health with a healthy dose of sarcasm! |